Communication is a beautiful art

I find that when I talk to my kids and really listen with intent to what they have to say, I am able to have a closer relationship with them. I really love hearing their thoughts and what they feel is important in their world, it seems to make a big difference in their self esteem. I make sure my phone is out of reach for a bit, the t.v. is off and we are in a comfortable space for them to share their feelings with me. I was a child once and I remember how good it felt when I was listened to and not brushed off. I feel like I am setting the stage for the teenage years; if I talk to them now and expect us to have healthy communication patterns, perhaps it will be something they will continue as they get older. I would love for that to happen, even if they don't tell me everything they are experiencing, the gist of this practice will instill in them that they can come to me no matter what. I often learn a thing or two when communicating with my kids and believe me, they do take notice! The older my children get, the more imperative it is for me to make that connection with them. Things are different, they don't always volunteer to share every waking minute of their lives with me like they did when they were just learning how to speak. I have to make the first move sometimes when we talk, and I have to show them that I am deeply interested in what they have to express to me. I treasure our moments when we share a laugh or our opinions together, it is meaningful indeed. Perhaps I will get the scoop on their school day or be able to put myself in their shoes about an event that stuck with them when we have heart to hearts. Either way, they will know that what they have to say matters.

Sushi anyone?

So Friday afternoon brought some smiles to the faces of my girls being that we were going into the weekend. I usually do smoothies, fresh juices or find a recipe for a quick but filling snack to hold us all until dinner time after school when they get home. Last week's grocery shopping trip entailed getting ingredients to make sushi at home but I didn't even remember to get a sushi mat! I finally ended up grabbing one and decided that we would make our own little recipe. I was becoming excited as I prepared the sticky sushi rice, pulled out my nori sheets and chopped up veggies to go inside of our rolls. I chopped up avocado, carrots, green onion and celery for the filling. There were easy to follow directions folded up inside of the package that contained the bamboo rolling mat. I called the girls down to help me and they were quite interested in how everything would turn out. They helped me to assemble the ingredients onto the seaweed and we rolled it all into a perfect log which we place on the cutting board to be cut into sections. We were so excited to try it!! We grabbed some organic, gluten free tamari and sprinkled a little on a dish for dipping. We also sprinkled some sesame seeds onto the rolls before we dug in. I was wishing I had some wasabi paste and pickled ginger to accompany the sushi but didn't dwell on it too much, I would have been the only one eating it anyway...We all tried some of our creation and the smiles and eyes widening told me all that I needed to know! It was a success! I couldn't help but share with the girls that they all of a sudden liked veggies that they told me they weren't too crazy about in the sushi. They didn't think much of it but I was happy about making sushi a signature snack here and there. Especially a snack that they can enjoy as much of as they want to because it's so darn healthy! They commented on how cool the rolls looked; "just like in restaurants" were their exact words. Bow and curtsy for that one. I love thinking of new things to try out with the girls when we cook; variety is the spice of life! Needless to say, we didn't leave any leftovers...until next time!

The song Mamas sing

Taking an active part in communicating with my children is of utmost importance to me. I like knowing that my children come to me to share their thoughts and how they view life. While I knew I could come to my mother about this or that, I didn't really have too many heart to hearts with her until I became a mother myself.  My mother and I are from two different eras, I was a late 70's baby and she was a 30's baby so there was definitely a difference in how we approached motherhood.  I gleaned much in how my mother raised me; I took a little from her and infused it with my own unique ideals.

There is a balance to how I approach parenting, I'm not too strict, but I'm also not too open. I don't believe in allowing my kids to make decisions for themselves that they may not be mature enough to handle yet. I also don't believe in "sugar coating" the difficult moments in life. I let them know that it's okay to be angry, sad, silly and most importantly themselves. I let them know that "real" friends will always accept them for who and what they are.  It is a bittersweet moment for me; to see my young ones change year after year, month after month and day after day. They have opinions now and a lot of them! When talking to my children, I really find out so much about life. 

 When looking at the books they are reading or listening to songs they like to listen to, I ask questions. I ask them what it is that they like about what they are taking in. I let them know that what they decide to embrace should resonate with who they are. Yes, they are children but I believe in teaching them early on that every decision they make should make sense to them. Basically, think first, act second! Of course, emergencies call for immediate action, but for the most part, they get the gist of what I am saying. 

 I like when we read chapter books together or when we watch a movie together and talk about it afterward. I love seeing them smile and have fun, alone or with their friends. I am able to see a different side of them, and hear more of what makes them so unique.

 Being a mother has been one of the most beautiful experiences I have had in my lifetime. I go through days of wondering; am I doing this mothering thing as best as I could be? Have I dotted all my i's and crossed my T's? This year will be milestones for my babies, one will be going into double digits and the other will become a teenager. I am in utter shock at how fast time flies, I swear I was just changing diapers and reading board books to two little people snuggled in my lap! We still have our special times together, doing things that are geared toward their interests and it helps, it makes our connection stronger. I think the fact that they know I am willingly present in their lives creates the security that they need to grow into strong young women. I only hope that my girls will continue to come to me and share their deepest thoughts and dreams. 

Older children need chill time too

In this fast paced, technological world we live in, how do we make time for our children to just chill? How do we all just tune out and really tune in to each other? Now that my children are older, I have to think of more innovative ways to keep that connection going with them; encouraging them to feel relaxed and at ease after the business of the day. While they are past the dinner, bath, story and bedtime routine to an extent; I still attempt to maintain a level of consistency with our evening time together.

Gone are the days when I would play soothing lullabies for my girls to settle them down for the evening; I now play artists we all enjoy and can vibe to. I sometime allow the girls to play music from their favorite artists as well; it gets them talking and I love to have dialogue with my kids; it's a great way to spend quality time; to find out what they are thinking. It usually is a win win situation. We also read together, especially after dinner but not necessarily at bedtime. We read poetry, geography books and chapter books to name a few. In fact we just finished a book titled "Cousins" by Virginia Hamilton. We really enjoyed the suspense of what was happening in the story, sharing our thoughts together and talking about the conclusion of the book. Books usually prompt questions and this is yet another way to utilize the opportunity for dialogue together. Some children may not be into books as much and that is okay; children can be met where they are and their likes and dislikes taken into consideration. 

Most children love to get outside but are not getting out enough or at all. We all need fresh air and exercise; especially after work and school has kept many of us inside buildings most of the day. Sometime after picking up the kids from school, instead of rushing home to do homework and watch the clock to ensure we are on task, we take an impromptu trip the beach or the park, or even a nature trail to have a few moments for unwinding. Often, we'll take walks in our neighborhood together; giving us time to talk about our day together. If I have noticed that one or both of the girls are exhausted after school, I usually suggest a "rest" before homework so they can relax their minds before jumping into completing their assignments. Afterward they feel refreshed and are able to complete their work with less anxiety if they have taken some time to rest first. I don't mind the extra time we use in our day to do things that will help my family to have a more peaceful evening. I light candles, play jazz in the background, and we talk while having dinner together.

Towards the weekend, we have "movie nights" or "game nights" together and it's a great way to bring in the end of the week with something fun for us to do. Of course, kids will be kids and even the best intentions for "chill" time can fall by the wayside. What is most important is to realize that even older children need down time. Adults need down time, we all need down time.

The little things

My girls really help me to be more aware at times as well as thankful. Yesterday I was very tired from work and wanted to order food so I wouldn't have to cook. Well, it turns out that I didn't order food after my oldest daughter suggested we make pizza! We did in fact have plenty of ingredients to make homemade pizza and so that is what we did. I was happy it worked out that way and even happier when we all ate our culinary creation together. It was delicious and cost us zero dollars, which made me smile. Just another day with my girls who make me realize I indeed have so much to be thankful for.

My baby boy's 4th birthday

In the year 2009 on March 31st, I lost my son at 7months into my pregnancy with him. In 2006 I had a miscarriage in the first trimester of my pregnancy; I had not known what sex my baby was as it was too early to find out. It was an emotional experience for me with both losses. I remember both experiences as if they were etched in my mind, however, I feel stronger with each passing year…I feel  like; if I can navigate my way through something as painful as losing a baby twice, then I am truly a warrior in this life. This year my son would have been four years old, I also would have had a seven year old son or daughter. Those pregnancies were only meant to be spiritual for me; both my babies only existed in the spirit world. They came to me to teach me something, their presence changed my life in a way that I would never have imagined.

This year, I decided to take all of the mementos I received at the hospital where I gave birth to Samuel out of the little blue box I had kept them in since I left for home on that somber day. It is so beautiful today, the sunshine is pouring over me, lighting up my room with its brightness and I feel overjoyed at being alive. I feel overjoyed at the fact that I am ready to celebrate this huge step in my grieving process. I plan to purchase a brand new photo album and place all of my black and white photos of my son inside. I will choose something with vibrant colors to celebrate his life. The first photos I ever received of Samuel were ultrasound photos, when he was still alive and kicking away inside me.  I have pictures of his mouth yawning, his little legs, so perfectly shaped, and his profile which resembled his father so much. I also have cards from family and friends, the most beautiful picture created by my youngest daughter; Leilani. She drew Samuel, me, herself and her sister Kaiyah all together with heart shaped smiles. I treasure this picture drawn in crayon; it is so full of love.

 I will no longer feel that his life, his short journey of existence has to be kept inside of a blue box I received from the hospital where I had him. Thinking about this plan has made me feel so happy and more at peace. I know now so much that I didn’t know at the time this was happening in my life. I didn’t feel any peace, or happiness and I didn’t understand why this had to happen. I still don’t have all of the answers but I’m closer to healing than ever before and I just want to keep going in that direction.  It will be soothing to my spirit to devote something special to the memories of my baby boy.

Moments in Time

The last couple of months I have been taking my girls on road trips, and they have loved the experience. I am making memories with these little people because all too soon they will be young women making their own pathways in life. I try to capture moments of them playing and laughing via my camera...I'm freezing moments in time for those days when I will want to pull out my photo albums and reminisce. If there is one thing that I plan to expound upon in the coming new year it is that I will use every minute of my life to live more fully. Time is so very precious, it is the one thing that we don't have any control over. On another note, we do have control over how we use our time. I don't want to spend my time frivolously anymore...every minute will have meaning.